A Year Ago Today...(death mentioned)

I went to a routine 31 week appointment and found out I lost my son, Noah Edward. At 25, you don't expect things like that to happen. The past 2 and a half years have been very draining and trying for me. First, my dad dying by a freak car accident in February 2009 and then, me losing my son to a cord accident.

I was going to release balloons but I don't what I will do tomorrow. Just probably do a lot of reflecting. It has been hard watching other people with their children born around my son. While, I am happy that everyone has healthy happy babies, I die a little on the inside I can't be with mine.

So here's to my angel baby Noah: We (K, Carlito and I) love and miss you. There is not a day we don't think about you.

Two year ago...

I was crying uncontrollably. I was suppose to be happy since it was Carlito's and my 6th month anniversary. Instead, my dad died. He was in a car accident and the 80 year old woman went into a diabetic shock losing control and hitting him. He was to turn 50 in July. I miss everything about my dad. He was the kindest loving most caring father that a girl or guy could ever ask for and the best husband to my mother. He was there for me unconditionally. He as a husband, father, brother, uncle, cousin and friend to all the ones he loved. I know people say this all the time but please do not hold grudges or stay mad. Life is not guaranteed for the next day let alone the next hour. I know it all too well and I play the should've, could've, would've game all the time but I do know my father knows everyone loved him.

I am sad that my daughter will be the only grandchild he knew. My nephew Robbie was born a year later on the day we buried him. I wish Robbie knew the greatest of my dad. He will through my brother who is an amazing father. I am glad my dad was able to teach my brother how to be  great father to his son and future children.

I always thought my dad would die because of cancer but he didn't. It just amazes each day how people are there one minute and gone the next. 

My favorite picture of my dad with my daughter (his first grandchild)

Not a day passes I don't think you. I love you and miss you always.

Love your daughter,

Jon'el